Comfort in, Dump Out

Although this has been a minimal problem for me, I can see it looming on the horizon and am sure it is a big problem for many patients and their immediate families. Below is a diagram depicting the "Comfort in, Dump out" theory. The idea is that the patient is at the center and is surrounded by concentric circles. Her immediate family members or supports are in the next closest ring. As the circle expand, so do the relationships. I, as the patient, can dump as much frustration and pain "out wards" as I want. People in the outer circles can also dump OUTWARDS; they can only provide comfort INWARDS. So my husband can say to my best friend, "I can't bear to see her like this." But a colleague can't say to my husband, "I can't bear to see her like this."

 Here is a diagram to illustrate this idea.

This idea is not my own. It was forwarded to me from two friends who learned about it from the following blog and LA Times article.

How Not to Say the Wrong Thing (LA Times)
How To Respond to a Friend in Crisis (Shasta's Friendship Blog)

People want to help, they want to be supportive. Many have no idea what to say, others have no clue that what they think is supportive, really isn't.  I really like that this diagram and these articles include immediate family, they too need support. I'd like to restate something I said in an earlier post, if you must say something, "I'm sorry you have cancer" is a good one. Likewise, "I'm sorry your wife, husband, mother, sister, girlfriend, whoever, has cancer" will do. Either of these can be followed with "Here's a gift card for a day of housecleaning from a service" or "Here's a gift card for groceries to be delivered".

On a more personal note, my most recent ct scan this week showed no change. Everything is stable. Considering that my last scan showed my lymph nodes were as small as they can get and since they can't measure the diffuse cancer in the lining of my stomach, this really is the best news we could get. For now, treatment continues status quo.