To Buy or Not to Buy, That is the Question...

My husband (who would like to be referred to as Matt Damon for the purpose of anonymity) has recently been talking about replacing my car with a new one. My car is eight years old and has a lot of miles on it, but we have had almost no problems with it. Matt Damon's reasoning is that we drive two hours every other week for treatment and should have something more reliable and comfortable. His car, by the way, is much newer, but we never take that because he doesn't like driving it in the city and he's afraid I might puke all over it after treatment (which has NEVER happened in the almost NINE MONTHS we have been doing this).

I do understand that if we broke down on the way to or from treatment it would be majorly inconvenient. However, I can't help but perseverate about my prognosis. What if we buy a new car and in a few months I'm not driving at all? Or what if I'm gone? Matt Damon says he could just trade in both vehicles for a new one, no big deal. But it still seems irresponsible and like a waste of money to me. For heavens sake, I returned a skirt I'd bought just before my diagnosis because once I heard the prognosis I thought, "Well I won't be needing new clothes anymore". A friend of mine who is a cancer survivor told me she thought twice about buying the expensive shampoo after being diagnosed, thinking she might not be around to use the whole bottle.

Long term planning of any sort has really become a problem. Some friends we have vacationed with before, recently suggested taking an international trip to an island next February (it's mid-May now). Although it sounds wonderful, how can we plan that far in advance? I'm having trouble committing to things even a month in advance! And what about traveling internationally? I'd have about a zillion questions for my doctors before doing that. What if there was a complication and I needed to visit a hospital over seas? Do I really want to go to a hospital on a small tropical island? Could they medevac me back home? I'm sure that is not as exciting as it seems on TV. I mean, George Clooney and Noah Wyle aren't going to meet me on the roof, right?

I'm sure other folks with late stage cancer have the same thoughts. Comments, questions, advice... I really could use some.

Disclaimer: I am not really married to Matt Damon. However, my boy's wicked smaht.