My husband (who would like to be referred to as Matt Damon for the purpose of anonymity) has recently been talking about replacing my car with a new one. My car is eight years old and has a lot of miles on it, but we have had almost no problems with it. Matt Damon's reasoning is that we drive two hours every other week for treatment and should have something more reliable and comfortable. His car, by the way, is much newer, but we never take that because he doesn't like driving it in the city and he's afraid I might puke all over it after treatment (which has NEVER happened in the almost NINE MONTHS we have been doing this).
I do understand that if we broke down on the way to or from treatment it would be majorly inconvenient. However, I can't help but perseverate about my prognosis. What if we buy a new car and in a few months I'm not driving at all? Or what if I'm gone? Matt Damon says he could just trade in both vehicles for a new one, no big deal. But it still seems irresponsible and like a waste of money to me. For heavens sake, I returned a skirt I'd bought just before my diagnosis because once I heard the prognosis I thought, "Well I won't be needing new clothes anymore". A friend of mine who is a cancer survivor told me she thought twice about buying the expensive shampoo after being diagnosed, thinking she might not be around to use the whole bottle.
Long term planning of any sort has really become a problem. Some friends we have vacationed with before, recently suggested taking an international trip to an island next February (it's mid-May now). Although it sounds wonderful, how can we plan that far in advance? I'm having trouble committing to things even a month in advance! And what about traveling internationally? I'd have about a zillion questions for my doctors before doing that. What if there was a complication and I needed to visit a hospital over seas? Do I really want to go to a hospital on a small tropical island? Could they medevac me back home? I'm sure that is not as exciting as it seems on TV. I mean, George Clooney and Noah Wyle aren't going to meet me on the roof, right?
I'm sure other folks with late stage cancer have the same thoughts. Comments, questions, advice... I really could use some.
Disclaimer: I am not really married to Matt Damon. However, my boy's wicked smaht.
Your sense of humor cracks me up as Im sitting in the hospital w my brother. My brother got diagnosed in February and I have the same sense of anxiety planning things in the future.
ReplyDeleteBuy, like there isn't a tomorrow. Although - I am kind of in the same boat. I hesitate buying because I always feel a few chemotreatments from my goal weight and I like my clothes to fit properly. :)
ReplyDeleteThis is tough. I too would not leave the country. The reason being is I take some cardiac medication for some non-life threatening cardiac condition. But, if it gets stolen by some kind of wild animal in Africa, I could end up having a heart attack. So, I will not be going to any third world country as a result. At the same time, NOBODY knows when they are going to die…and yet we ALL are going to die. Every one of us. A lot more people will be going to die sooner than you….they just don't know it. So, what is the difference? The difference is planning trips that you can manage when you aren't feeling that great. Trips with people you want to be with, where there are options to be busy and options to rest when you need to. Money - is always tricky. I don't think it's about whether or not you will be around to enjoy the shampoo….but rather - can you afford it, now that you aren't working or what is the plan. Plus, in the world - is shampoo on your list of important things anymore? Probably not. My advise is……you are still living, just like the rest of us. Plan to live. Plan to make accommodations for yourself while you are planning to enjoy your vacation. Plan them for a month or two from now..so you'll have a better idea of accommodations you will need. No need to travel the world if you ask me. It's often more about the people you are with then the scenery anyway.
ReplyDeleteI think your husband should let you puke in his car. If you're just dying anyways, he can use the money from selling yours to get it detailed. #insensitive
ReplyDeleteThis is still a tough one for me with my Stage IV diagnosis, even being NED for 2 years! For the first year, when I was getting chemo and things weren't so great, I did go on a few trips. I always bought traveler's insurance for airfare as it gave me piece of mind in case I did have to cancel. And I also booked other things (hotels, cars) that were refundable if possible. But I traveled and made as many memories as I could, and still do, especially for my kids. I say if you really want to travel abroad, consider places with major cities/medical centers and talk to your doctors to get their advice first. And as for the money...well, we are still sort of paying off that first year of crazy trips, but MAN am I thankful that I am still here to be helping to pay them off!
ReplyDeleteThank you you all for your thoughts and advice!
ReplyDeleteI had a similar concern. I was Dx with ovarian cancer at 29, 2.5 years ago. I managed to switch jobs about a year ago and I battled with deciding if I should continue contributing to my 401(k). I had been contributing since I graduated college and got my first job because I thought it was a financially responsible thing to do to plan for my retirement. But now there's this looming cloud that says I might not make it to 65 (or 35 for that matter). Do I continue to contribute, or do I spend the money on things now - trips or dinners or new car, etc - because I might not be around to spend it later? My boyfriend and I had a long discussion around it. He wants me to plan like I'm going to live that long, but live like I'm not. So I've decided to continue to contribute, but at a smaller % than I was initially. It gives me a few extra bucks in my pocket so I can take advantage of things while I am feeling healthy. I think not contributing to the 401(k) at all would make me feel like I was giving up on myself completely, and I'm not ready to do that.
ReplyDeleteGood for you! I like your thoughts about splitting the planning fong term and living it up now. Stupidcancer.org is going to have a podcast in July about the financial concerns of young people with cancer.
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